When I'm well It's not so bad. I only fear that I will fall under again. I am able to give off the impression of confidence. I can trick people into believing that I am "normal". I still have constant anxiety but I hide it well. I continue to wrestle with my mind as it is always trying to "trick" me. Now that I really think about it, as I type these words, I am realizing that I'm never really well. There are just varied degrees of sickness.
I don't really know how I'm going to return to work. My job is very stressful and demanding. You always have to be "on". I just don't feel like pushing myself anymore. Not that hard anyway. It's not that I've given up. I hope I haven't given that impression. I expect that I will do well...once I have figured out what it is I want to do. I am not lazy. Just uninspired. I regret the courses I took in college as they got me no where. I chose to get involved in retail instead. Retail is a black hole. It sucks you in. Possibly forever? I am REALLY good at my job. I just don't have the strength to do it anymore.
It's too bad there wasn't a career in whining. I would be rich!!
Reality T.V is one of my favorite guilty pleasures. I love having a glimpse into other people's lives. Sometimes it makes me feel really good about myself but...mostly I just enjoy being given the right to judge! I also love, love, love wedding and decorating shows. Since I have been off work for a couple of months now, I spend a lot of time with my new friends on the television. Once I get my butt back to work I will have a beautifully decorated home AND have the wedding of my dreams. Of course, you have to be engaged first to plan the latter...or do you?
This post is just a mish mosh of things on my mind. It doesn't flow and it lacks consistency...just like me:)
