A brief glimpse of an old friend...myself

I don't know.  I just don't know.

I've been missing myself for about a year now.  The me that I had developed over the past decade or so.  I had picked things up from people over the years and had put together a "patch work" personality that I was somewhat comfortable with.
Then, I moved.
I couldn't be that person anymore.  All of the new people who were now apart of my new were nothing like the old ones.  I didn't match.  And so, the cycle started all over again.  I changed, like the chameleon that I am, to fit my environment.
But I am 32 now.  I don't like change.  I began to hate the person I was becoming.  I went into mourning.  This is what lead to my August hospitalization.
Yesterday, I finally agreed to get together with a couple of old friends.  We had dinner, drank some wine, caught up on old times while Nirvana's "Live at Reading" DVD played in the back ground.  My heart opened up...and I was back.  I was alive again.  What I said mattered, I made people laugh and I was not afraid.
Although I did experience some paranoia the next day, I did not replay the night, over and over in my mind the way I always do after a social event.  I felt mostly content. 
No regrets.
What a lovely evening.  It was a nice visit...with me.