Artwork by: Angelina Wrona "Water Lily"
All I can say about the past few days is that I rode the storm hard and fast and seem to have made it out with little damage. Apart from some minor cutting ( just enough to get the edge off) I am unharmed.
By today I thought it was over. There was no way out of this horrible, shitty hand I've been dealt other than death.
What kept me here? My boyfriend is away on vacation. I have no one to turn to where we live as this is his city, not mine. Who would take care of my kids? Did I really want one of them to find me? What if I didn't finish what I started, end up in hospital and they take the kids away forever? No, I just couldn't deal with any of those options. It seems that I am still waiting for the perfect time. When all of the pieces are in the right places.
I will never escape BPD. All I can do is try to survive it everyday.
Tonight I did the housework while ranting and yelling. I managed to cook dinner and around that time I finally, after my 3 day "episode" began to feel the calm.
Now as I type this I am optimistic about tomorrow. Another DBT class. And who knows what else. I pray I will be content. I'm not even asking for happy anymore. Just to be content.
