My first disclosure

Today I'm feeling content. I have had very little anxiety and I think the medications are kicking in. Some days are not so great. Some days I feel like dying.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. It's still difficult for me to say out loud. I have told some close friends and posted a few things on Facebook but other than that, it's my secret.

I do not remember exactly when my emotions started to become so over whelming. I do remember having what I call "episodes" early on in life. I have done extensive research on my disorder and I can tell you that after doing so, I started to listen to my doctors. When I was finally diagnosed properly a couple of months ago I thought that maybe they were just wrong. After all, they had been wrong before. I was once told at the age of 15 that I had Multiple Personality Disorder. HA!

So here I am today. I'm supposed to be an adult. I have two children and a boyfriend of almost 5 years. I see my friends and how they handle everything so well. Everything just seems harder for me. Most days just getting out of bed is hard for me. I realize that sounds like I'm full of self pity but I'm really not. I'm just speaking of my reality, the truth for once out loud.